Overcome overwhelm

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Are you suffering from a little stress or overwhelm at the moment? How do you stop yourself going into the doldrums and affecting your health? Here are some tips to get you motivated and working through stuff today.

STOP/PAUSE/BREATHE – Yes I know it’s the last thing you want to do right now. The wheels mustn’t stop turning gotta keep everything moving along. You need to connect with your breath and yourself, check in on you and what’s going on, learn to create that calmness and mindfulness for a moment.

If you are worried about something ask yourself “Is it mine?” Are you fretting over something to which you have no control? If yes then let it go it is not your journey, if you cannot change an an outcome by your actions then it is ill focused action. Focus where you can make a difference.

When we just have too much to get done and no time there are various options. You can put more hours in but this is a short term / emergency option and probably the route to overwhelm and exhaustion.The biggest one we tend to ignore is to ask for help, put a brave face on. Another person may not always be able to give time or take a load off but you will get another perspective and friendly support. If you have a team effective delegation is key and this can be an issue for some to let go of responsibility to others. Paying another individual or company is always an option, but what if the only option you see is just you?

We sometimes need to learn to accept that we can only do what we can do, if we have got ourselves into this position the question is why so that we can focus on take steps to ensure we do not let it happen again. The problem is when you are in this state it is not easy to get clarity and plan solutions. We therefore need to lift ourselves up with a mixture of quick wins and feel good prioritised actions.

Quick wins (easy actions to close out quickly) could be a way of helping but cannot take away the larger stuff that is looming over you. Therefore I believe you need to tackle some of each. Choose a couple of things that you can complete easily and quickly; when you start to tick things off your list you will be motivated to carry on because of the feeling it gives you to strike them off the list.

Next ask yourself what one task will make a real difference to the situation and make me feel great if I complete it? Again feel into it and get emotionally attached to the vision of you successfully reaching your goal.

Now focus on this one thing and one thing only and keep at it until it’s done, no distractions. When your done make sure you celebrate, feel good about your achievement. Then pause, breath and repeat.

You can vocalise what you are focusing on to another, then you have an added accountability reason to pursue the action. I practiced all of this today and shared my goal with someone I met networking, told them to ask me next time we spoke. I have now had the most focused session on my book instead of dipping in and out of things that need to be done.

One thing to add is that a to do list is isn’t time bound we may have an expectation of when t will be completed, like a weekly task list. Usually there is no information of how long each item will take us, so how do we expect to know if the list is achievable by the end of the week? Lists like this set us up to fail at our own targets and cause overwhelm, I teach my clients a simple planning process that removes lists and uses other methods to qualify tasks and write action plans that work, are achievable and simply get things done. If you need help with planning or need some mentoring to get you where you need to be, feel free to email me and we can have a complimentary hour chat to go through your current challenges and start you on your way –  angela@white-tiger.co.uk

STARTING WITH A MENTOR

Ok so your interesting in using a mentor how do start the right way so that you and your mentor understand your relationship needs. One thing to ensure is that you build your relationship first so that you feel comfortable sharing personal experiences and feelings. Secondly be aware of the difference between a mentoring and coaching to find the right person for you. Think outside the box to, a mentor can be found in many places like a close friend, a business club, work colleague or professional mentor.

Now it may be a fine line and there are so many unique businesses out there today that it can sometimes be difficult to spot what is for you, let’s look at what I feel the subtle differences are before we look at starting out with a mentor. I once saw a very good statement distinguishing the two: ‘Mentoring is relational while coaching is functional’.

The dictionary definition is ‘someone who trains you to accomplish a task or goal’ or ‘someone who teaches people to improve at a skill or sport’ also ‘helping them to prepare for something’.

So we have support, training and guidance, all good stuff. I believe that there are definitely a lot of good people that cross over the border between coaching and mentoring and as I say wear many hats.  My personal opinion at the extreme end of the coaching spectrum I see is often following a program of knowledge, or even a program set out for you to reach an end goal. The coach has practical tools and techniques or building blocks to use to help you achieve what you need and will hold you accountable to those predefined actions. Driving you to take action for results, your choice is to do or not to do! But what happens when you have other stuff going on in your life not related to the goal that you are being coached towards? I see many different outcomes when this happens.

So where do I see the opposite end of the spectrum in the mentoring role?

If we look at the dictionary definition for a mentor we find ‘an experienced and trusted advisor’ and ‘someone who gives you advice over a period of time’. You can say that it is to teach, support and give guidance, as would any coach. My feedback from clients is that I am a positive influence that inspires them and I would hope that when you pick a coach that this is true also.

Where I feel the difference lies is in the deep personal connection, helping you recognise the path or journey you are on both personally and in business and to clarify the vision you want to achieve. I am always looking at the person on a deeper level and spiritual connection the relationship has to be a good fit for both parties. As I said in my first blog a mentor teaches you to tune into your passion, strengths and core belief system, helping you to shine in the way only you can. Focusing on a mentoree’s total development.

A mentor will stretch you to just beyond your comfort level, not in excess so as to create stress and overwhelm but enable you to reach a potential beyond what you see yourself capable of. This is always where the magic happens! It is being able to recognise that what works for one will not work for another there is no system or course to follow it is all about your journey. ‘Instead of a bag of tools it’s just an empty bag of magic’ as one of my clients said.

My definition of a business mentor is “someone who strikes a balance between expert business advice and the empathy with the individuals personal journey and mindset; getting them personally ready for each step. It is a professional relationship where resources, knowledge and networks are shared to enhance the mentee’s professional and personal growth.”

So how can we make sure that both parties are happy from the outset?

1) Clarify in your head what you want out of the relationship

As best you can write down your expectations and the extent you want that person to play a part in your life. I always say imagine a newspaper article about you in 6 months time what would it be saying? What would you be celebrating and how? Is there anything that you need specific help with?

For example industry knowledge, networking, business skills planning and visualisong. Setting some objectives will ensure that you are clear to your mentor and they understand your personal and professional needs, helping them see if you are a good fit for them.

2) Make absolutely clear the commitment you are both giving

Once you’ve found someone who agrees to be your mentor, make sure you can give the same commitment and share the same passion for your goals and expectations. Your mentor is investing in your future also and needs to be excited by the prospect of working with you. Discuss and establish  a regular meeting and/or update schedule.

3) Make a draft plan to start off the work.

At the start there will be a lot of work around establishing where you are and building on what you want to achieve. If you have done your homework and established some preliminary goals/objectives make a list of topics that you would like to cover, areas you might like to discuss. These will prove to be great conversation starters and help you get into the new routine.

4) Talk about your skills.

What knowledge, skills, networks and abilities possessed by you and your mentor are going to benefit you most in achieving your current objectives.

5) Who will initiate the interaction?

Please be clear who is going to do the coordinating and organising, don’t wait for the other to ring being polite.

6) How will you know things are working?

Set up some parameters that you both agree to measure how things are progressing, define what success looks and feels like.

7) How do you handle conflict and feedback?

What would move you to terminate the relationship? A difficult one but an understanding that needs to be clear. It is important to understand that a mentor role is to give advice, but you are responsible for whether you take that advice or not and how you apply knowledge that is passed across. Your mentor must be ready for this; which is why I always say that a family member is not the wisest choice as a mentor. Choose your mentor wisely you do not want someone that is trying to produce a clone! You need to be receptive to constructive feedback on both sides.

8) Maintain confidentiality

The sessions are between you and your mentor, have an agreement in place to maintain that.

My final word is please honor your commitment, mentoring is a demanding job and responsibility so be appreciative of the time you are given Be timely in your responses and show up. Expect support not miracles, we do not solve all problems but the most valuable quality we offer is a different perspective and an eagerly listening sounding board. Why not come and talk to us about it www.white-tiger.co.uk/services/mentoring

 

Mentoring March – have you found yours?

Often mentoring is something that just happens, most entrepreneurs are happy to take advice and surround themselves with a great team. So what makes a great mentor and how do you find one that suits you?

 

We hear so many different titles these days, life coach, business coach, growth and transformation specialists, sounding boards they are all there with a specific skill: what do you need right now just for you? What place are you at in your life? It is important to have someone who is in tune with you and your personal journey and that has the knowledge that you are seeking right now.

 

To find a mentor we often look to people we know, someone who has faced adversity in a courageous manner.

This is great, it is important to have people that inspire us, ask them how they make decisions, confront fears and move on. What about our personal business journey? My definition of a business mentor is someone who strikes a balance between expert business advice and the empathy with the individuals personal journey and mindset; getting them personally ready for each step. It is a professional relationship where resources, knowledge and networks are shared to enhance the mentee’s professional and personal growth.

 

Mentoring is definitely not the soft option we take our roles seriously becoming deeply connected and invested in the success of the individual. It is a long term relationship that is built and maintained even if at the latter stages only light touch. A good mentor is always looking to help empower the individual tuning into their strengths and core belief system, helping them shine in the way only they can.

 

Important: If you want a good mentor you have to be willing to invest in the relationship it is a two way commitment! A mentor is not someone that just holds you accountable, you must have a genuine interest and readiness to learn. You are not expected to adopt every suggestion but to listen and discuss to enable an open mind and new perspective on things to take your business journey forward. You are ultimately responsible for your business and a business mentor giving their opinion cannot be accountable for your actions – a good mentor will have terms and conditions set out so ask to see them.

 

So what do you need to look for in a business mentor?

 

  • Someone that inspires you – personal attributes that demonstrate success and knowledge.
  • Infectious enthusiasm and positivity – they need to motivate you (remember this is also 2 way and you also are a ‘weather creator’ in your life so always examine the shadow you cast)
  • A teacher – How well can they explain things to you? Not everyone has a natural ability to teach.
  • A good listener – essential
  • You have to like and gel with them – It may sound obvious but can you get to know them at a personal level and share your feelings, you have to feel comfortable.
  • Excellent communication and people skills – the ability to give constructive feedback and challenge you enough to stretch you to feeling achievement and not beyond your stress boundaries. It is no good to send you into overwhelm and affect your personal well being there has to be a balance. Being just out of your comfort zone is where the magic happens trust me.
  • Someone who sets and meets goals – leading by example how well do they respond to requests and answer your emails.
  • Time – Do they have the personal time to take you on as a mentee.

 

The truth is you probably already know someone who you would consider, looking to your peers is a good thing as you probably already have strong relationships formed. There is no formal system to follow and not one person that will be there for everything. You will need different people for different times and situations in your life and that just may mean a one off session to get you back on track. All of the above are ok – it is down to what you personally need so I ask the question again – What key challenges do you need help with right now? Remember we often focus on the urgent not the important to take time for you when you answer this.

 

I am confident that a good mentor can take you further on your journey than you thought was possible whilst protecting one of your most valuable assets – your mind. Try having those conversations that you only have in your head with yourself with a thought partner and see what is possible. Yes peers and relatives can provide valuable information and contacts but I believe that only structured mentoring can provide continuity in the level of support on an ongoing basis—in a manner that can have a directly positive impact on your personal growth and the growth of your business over time.

 

Here’s why I do what I do – my feedback from a one off meeting to help with clarity;

After just two hours with Angela I had completely decluttered my mind and refocused in a way that completely restored my energy and passion. I left with an action plan which I had confidence could be executed within the planned and necessary timescale. As a result I was then able to deliver the results required for business success! Thank you Angela for putting me back on track with a couple of extra skills gained that I will continue to apply in the future!

 

Do you know the difference between a coach & a mentor? Find out next week when I will also share some tips on the process of how to make onboarding a new mentor easier – clarity from the outset to move you forward faster.

 

Motivation is an Attitude!

We all talk about #motivationmonday, share quotes, raleigh people on, me included.What are we actually doing? Reaching out to and for support, looking for tips on how to motivate ourselves and others?

In my speaking I teach people that we have in fact everything inside us right now to follow our intended purpose / vision. We will always be learning but if we feel so inclined to do something we can because it was there in the first place for is to think about. When we find our ‘job’ in life we stop searching.

The thing about not being happy is we tend to point the finger in every direction but ourselves! A bad boss, the need to provide, too late to change etc..Sure external things have an effect but ultimately you are responsible for your own happiness and how you wish to view the world. On the reverse external things can motivate us and our team, bonuses, perks, cars but that soon wears off after a while. You need the next pat on the back or recognition to spur you on – the truth is the only way you will feel truly motivated and happy is when it comes from inside and not anything else.

When was the last time you heard anyone talking about their job as rewarding, fulfilling, stretching them, a feeling of belonging and for a mission or cause. Motivation comes from an inner desire to do something which in turn is from your why and vision behind the actions you take. Therefore this must be your first port to call on for you and your team; for they follow your shared vision. If your team members do not share the same values and vision for the future as you it will be very difficult to be fully satisfied and motivated by what they do. You can inspire and move people but they have to actually want to take action! I cannot motivate you only help you to recognise the motivation within that will drive action.

There is no such thing as laziness I believe it is just disinterest – desire is lacking. We must reach out to the individual, find out what their needs are and we are all different. It is shocking how many big companies do not have time for the ‘fluffy stuff’, they claim to be a fair company and treat all the same and that is the failure in my eyes.

“You are today where your thoughts have brought you; you will be tomorrow where your thoughts take you.” James Allen

THINK – FEEL – ACT

Everything that is created first happens in the mind and imagination before it becomes a reality. So surely how you approach things (your attitude / motivation) is crucial. Changing the way we think about things helps us progress; therefore shouldn’t we be teaching mindset to help engagement? We want to know who fits in and actually wants to go on our journey with us. If we teach it early enough surely our younger generation will follow their heart and find jobs they want to be in.

Attitude is also contagious, the mood or attitude you show up to work with will spread quickly with every interaction; soon affecting your whole team. So why do we put such emphasis on Mondays. You get a chance to relax, chill enjoy yourself for the weekend, some even moan the weekend away, but then what? Then you have to face the reality of what you have built as your working life; having fun only 2 out of 7 days is not living in my eyes. I believe that everyone has the right to love to go to work, which is why I’m passionate about awakening people to address the why of what drives them. The mobalise and empower them to take action to make changes. It doesn’t have to be massive things small steps taken each day to achieve a massive change in you and your happiness.

Message me and I will give you ten changes that have made a huge impact on my life and my positive attitude. Or better still schedule a call or coffee I would love to hear your story.

Before you go do one thing SMILE, now notice that feeling spread to the whole of your body. Start to notice others around you as they catch you smiling and grinning – it’s infectious!

Shine your light on the world and go make a difference.

Angela X